This story is a bit different from my earlier tales. It carries a serious note, something I feel is crucial for everyone to know, so that we don’t unknowingly spoil our relationships, careers, or even our peace of mind, of which the latter is the most crucial aspect of it.
I have had my share of fun experiences in life, but I still blame myself to a greater extent and also our society, culture, and educational system for failing to equip us with the right knowledge at the right time. I am not saying we were never taught, but attaining knowledge at the right time will act as a medicine. There are certain things we only learn when life throws us into the fire, and we do have greats in our society who say such statements, “beta zindagi sikha deghi”, but do they even think that kids should be taught certain things at the right time? I strongly believe the first institution is our family. If we, as parents, are ignorant, then for sure our kids will suffer to some extent because of our lack of knowledge.
I was exposed to alcohol, fights, and sex at a very young age, “kyunki mard ko dard nahi hota.” Eventually, it pushed me into depression. In 2004, I went back to my native place searching for peace, because I felt the track I was walking on was not right. For almost eight years, I lived a ruckus lifestyle, without realizing that my body had become addicted, not just to substances, but to the chemicals generated inside me due to unhealthy thoughts, desires, and habits.
To breathe freely, I gave up smoking, drinking, and sexual indulgences. But later, I had to pay a heavy price. It is rightly said, better not to taste at all than to taste and then struggle to quit. Every addiction we let go off leaves behind the scars. They may not be visible, but they stay inside us, triggering strange moods and behaviors.
After 2004, I lived as a teetotaller, a “good lad” on the outside. But within me, there was still anger, uncontrolled desires, unforgiveness, bitterness, and many inner battles. I know many of you can relate. I have also seen people who are sober, peaceful, and enjoying life, unlike us, who remain stressed and restless inside.
Why does uncertainty haunt us? The truth is, life is smooth. But since we are never prepared, we get taken by surprise. Our minds stay clouded, lacking soberness and clarity, and so we miss the warning signs of the “ditches” ahead.
Understand this: our body gets used to whatever we feed it. Our body trusts us and believes that what we do is good for the body. Good or bad, the body accepts it as normal. If we do good things, it adapts. If we abuse it with drugs, alcohol, or harmful influences, it still adapts. Someone rightly said, the body is the greatest chemical factory. Though made of bones, blood, and muscles, it runs on chemicals.
Think of oxygen (O₂). Without enough of it, you face hypoxia, fatigue, confusion, organ failure, and even death. Or glucose (C₆H₁₂O₆), the brain’s main fuel. A shortage can cause dizziness, kidney damage, and worse. Or potassium (K⁺), essential for the heart and muscles. A lack can trigger weakness, abnormal heartbeat, or even paralysis.
If we study even a little, we’ll understand why we behave the way we do. I realized this a few years back, when I noticed myself doing certain things to extremes. Anger, irritation, restlessness, these were not just “moods,” they were signs and symptoms relating to scars within.
When we suddenly stop what our body is used to, we invite problems. The backlash is real, and we never prepared ourselves for this and the result is that many of us struggle silently.
I believe in the power of the mind. I quit smoking, drinking, pornography, masturbation, and more. But I must admit, the aftermath was harsh. It affected my behavior, my relationships, my inner world. When you quit something abruptly, you don’t just hurt yourself; you hurt the people around you.
So my humble suggestion is, don’t be harsh on yourself. Take at least 15 minutes of “me time” every day. Talk to yourself. Listen to your body. Hear the cry of your soul. Slowly, you will find peace, clarity, and balance.
I learned the hard way, quitting alcohol didn’t instantly make me kind. I carried bitterness. Quitting porn didn’t silence my mind. Quitting smoking didn’t erase my anger. The law of physics is true: every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
So please, be kind to yourself. Only then can you be kind to others. Remember, we hurt others not because we are “bad,” but because we are wounded from within.
I felt like sharing this part of my journey, hoping it helps someone out there. Have a great life ahead.
Leave a Reply